Steroids and Me

Maybe it is not proper English my saying Steroids and Me...but nothing seems quite proper with me or my body right at this point. I am going to write briefly, as not to bore you, with my recent (as of right now, last 11 days) steroid trip. Taking steroids possibly because I do trip (and fall down), taking steroids because my field vision in my left eye (my good eye) is faulty and vision in both eyes are blurry.These are on going symptoms of my MS which come and go as they darn well please. It is how my MS first started when I was 32, now at 58 it wants to live with me again and affect my other eye. It can go away, but will it? I can only pray. And now do as my doctor's say because blindness has always been a fear of my MS. Yes My MS....I take claim to it, because it is when you take ownership to something you can then take control over it and that is my plan for this dirty devil who wants to hang out with me each and every day and now each and every moment of my life. I have a wonderful life to live, I am still young and I am not going to go down easy. So MS LOOKOUT! But right now let's talk of what my body is doing in response to the +100 steroid pills I have taken in the last 10 days. Eighteen more days to go.....is it any wonder I feel puffy...puffy face, puffy tummy (most people would say no, but I know it is there), acid reflex (never had this all my life) eat all the time (always did do this, only now I can actually feel the food making my tummy puffy) POISON....is this what I am doing to myself? How can this possible be good for me, I ask myself. I do know that when your eyesight and your movement is affected and you don't want it to be that way sometimes modern medicine needs to be surrendered to. But just how much do I allow myself to endure? Keep eating the healthy foods, keep praying, keep taking my nourishment through supplements and keep holding on to the hope & a prayer that this too will pass & it is just a stage for some odd reason and I will be once again on my path down "remission road". I will never, never, never give up.

So yesterday my good friend Barbie took me to my doctor's appointment. Doctor and I had nice talk. I am dragging my right foot when I walk so he is sending me to PT for a month to concentrate on my gait. I told him a friend gave me a cane and I use it to get in and out of bed, I thought he would tell me don't do that, but he said it was probably a good idea since I have fallen down the stairs 2x in March and fall when getting up from a seat sometimes. I walk into walls, who doesn't? But I do it more frequently than I have in the last several years. So to protect myself, TEMPORARILY, I will do what is asked of me.Not just for me but for those out there like my son, my friends, my cat...those who depend on me, depend on me to not just be who I am, was, are...but depend on me to be fun to be around, happy to be alive and wanting to do the fun things in life again. I can not give up hope ever, if even just for them because they all mean so much to me. They have shown me true love and friendship, especially in the last 6 months. I will be fine, God is on my side..."no weapon formed against me can be used against me. " I am a child of The King of Kings.

So back to the doc & shopping outing. I had told doc that the steroids were helping my eyes a bit I had noticed. That was at 11:30am but 2pm while standing in line at a dept store my eyes were so blurry I could not see, my left eye had pain, I could hardly stand anymore and I felt so weak...AND HUNGRY!!!! Steroids! We had just ate but I wanted everything in the store. I was 124 when starting these steroids and I am now 134, fully dressed. I was 135 when I gave birth to my son in 1977. I have never had a weight problem. I don't plan on keeping one. But I need to give my body some time to do it's magic with these poison pills I am taking. I really think that when people say they gain weight from steroids they may in fact be a bit true, but from my bodies stand point I feel (and I mean I feel what is going on inside me) It is more puffy and bloated. I do believe that as the dosage cuts back during its course that a couple weeks after I am off the drug my old body will come to visit and perhaps stay with me again. It is my nature to be thin, it is what I am used to. Right now I feel like someone has invaded me. So today I begin a lesser dosage throughout the day. I will continue to rest when not at the doctors or PT. I will try to learn from this situation which has visited me. And when enough is enough I will push to do the things I used to do. I have to never, never give up. Life is too precious. Life is too short. And I love it so! And I will live it either how I used to or pretty darn close to it. I have nothing else to do about it right now but to think positive & stay in tuned with what is going on with me.

I hope today's blog was not too depressing for you. It helps me to just spit this stuff out as it pops into my head. My memory....that is for another days bloggin!

Love to all!

Live to Love so you can Love Living

UCanBeWell4Ever.......hang on to this hope!

Gabbriella