Moodiness

Yes, I am moody...not right now but yesterday afternoon it came out of the blue. Most all of my life I have been an easy going person. Most people (men) have told me numerous times I am consistent. They never had to worry if I was going to freak out on them. Not my nature. When I am sad, hurt, sick, disappointed or grumpy inside myself I have a tendancy all my life to just become very quiet and usually go off to myself until I am ready to be over it. Which usually is just momentarily. I am resiliant to life, I bounce back quick. But yesterday I snapped! To the one person who means the most to me...my son....I never snap at him. All he did was call in the afternoon and my evil twin sister must have intercepted the call. He just called to check on me and at the hello he knew I was not myself. He said what's wrong, I answered ...just tired. He then said ok I will call later. When I hung up I felt so bad. I don't want people to be fearful I will bite their head off. We made amends later, although he understood I am going through a lot right now. And we moved on. We don't rehash petty little things, him & I. We never did.I thank God for my relationship with him. I am truly blessed with my son.
I was cranky again last evening for a bit. (and I was alone, so I guess I ticked myself off!) It just came in spurts. Once I snapped and got irritated and let it out it was like it never happened. No feeling whatsoever....creepy. I am a person who is used to feeling deeply about everything and finding joy in all situations. So now while I sit in bed typing I am cranky again....WHY~~~ no reason....cat is still sleeping....had my coffee, had an english muffin....So I decided to look up my friend "steroid" on google. Here is what I found:

Side effects of oral corticosteroids
Because oral corticosteroids affect your entire body instead of just a particular area, this form is the most likely to cause significant side effects. Side effects depend on the dose of medication you receive. Within days or weeks of starting oral therapy, you may have an increased risk of:

• Elevated pressure in the eyes (glaucoma)
• Fluid retention, causing swelling in your lower legs
• Increased blood pressure
• Mood swings
• Weight gain, with fat deposits in your abdomen, face and the back of your neck

What a pretty picture I am...Well....I was thrilled to see that I can now blame "steroids" for the grouchiness. It is amazing me how I can be so old but so niave about drugs and what they do to the body, mind and spirit. I do hope this ...what I am calling a "side affect" will go away soon because this appears to be a way of snapping I do not want. It is too stressful, too much energy....give me back my peace & solitude in my mind any day. Torment is what it is like to me. To hear myself snap, to have grumpy feelings linger momentarily makes me cringe. For the last 14+ years I have removed myself from a living environment where I had to endure yelling and screaming and cursing at myself and son for many years while living with a raging lunatic with anger & control issues. I had found peace in every situation I ever entered into after I left. Life is sweet. I had not had that since a child living with my parents. I now had it back again. I had gained so much peace that when someone at work or out in public would raise their voice or I would hear a curse word I would up till this day jump in my skin because of a trigger going off in me. I still do this. But peace comes back immediately and I tell myself I don't have that life anymore. But then I also pray for the person yelling and the person being yelled at. 

So "steroid" you are on your way out of my body. In 16 more days you will be history for me. And I pray "moodiness" does 

not camp at my door much longer. 

I never struggled with PMS like some women, it could be because of my healthy eating habits for 37 years or my supplement takings. I truly don't know how they handle it each month. Maybe God spared me PMS all those years because I had MS and other health issues cropping up. He is gracious.